I Hate Getting Sick....

I hate getting sick.It's one of the only things that actually makes me feel weak and disabled.It's times when I'm really sick that I feel bad for all the horrible things that I do.I get very sentimental(or at least emotionally very naked) and feel like crap having to depend on someone for most of my basic functions.

I happen to be a person who absolutely hates depending on anyone for anything.It makes me feel weak and vulnerable.When I'm sick like how I am right now I listen to songs like,"Tears in Heaven" or "Bang Bang"(By Nancy Sinatra).It's almost as if it makes me feel good to wallow in a pool of sissy emotions.Right now,I'm fever-ridden and food poisoned horribly.and my mom's so nice that she'll wake up at 3 in the middle of the night to give me my medicine.

I hardly ever repent doing anything but it's times like this that just make me hate myself for being a bad person.I enjoy manipulating people for my own selfish needs and I almost never regret it.Except times like this.and this also makes me realize that I have trust issues and can't trust anything that anyone tells me blindly.When I'm sick,listening to a song like,"Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles just makes me feel like,"Oh crap man...what am I doing with my life?".

But,of course this is all just temporary and when I get better I'll go back to my usual awesome self.A place where I don't feel bad for most things and I'm right almost all the time.Sickness is truly a terrible thing that makes even the most awesome of people(me) become a regret-feeling,repentance-having,feeling bad for almost every thing(even completely unrelated things that are usually nice) person.

If you people haven't seen Pink Floyd's movie "The Wall" yet, I strongly suggest you get a copy of it ASAP and watch it.It's one of those things that you can totally relate to when you feel like crap.and my sick time is when I get out all my feelings of.....you know what??Fuck it.

It's understood that I hate getting sick and being dependent.